A Time When I Tried to Pay Attention But Couldn’t
To all the tired, overworked teachers from a used-to-be tired, overworked teacher.
The ten of us rearranged the student desks to form a large circle so that we could all see each other. I’m not sure why we wanted to be able to see each other because we looked dreadful. It’s hard to say which of us was more disheveled and exhausted. I tried to determine this by measuring the deepness of the dark circles decorating our eyes.
I’m sure there was an agenda for the meeting, but I couldn’t focus on what was being said. I could discern by the tone of the speaker and the tense energy in the room that the topic had landed where it always eventually landed. Complaints about the mediocre administration and our full plates, which seemed to stay full no matter how hard we worked, buzzed in the background.
But my mind was drifting along with my gaze to the sleep-deprived faces in front of me. I wondered how they truly were, if they were taking care of themselves. Did they also want to burst into tears at the thought of walking into the classroom? It was evident, possibly only to me, that we were trapped in survival mode. I don’t know if it’s possible to thrive under these conditions. I’ve never seen it anyway.
